Inadequate Me

~ By Ajahn Jayasāro ~

If someone were to say to us that they think that they should not be who they are, that they should be someone else, someone better, it would sound sad and we might even worry about their mental health.

But it is common to hear people say that they know that they should be better than they are – better parents, better Buddhists, better people. Speaking like this is often taken to be a sign of humility or sincerity. In fact, they are merely making a claim – clearly absurd – that they should not be who they are.

The best response to statements beginning with, ‘I should be …’ is, ‘Why should you?’

If we have certain standards and ideals that we are not living up to, it may be that those standards and ideals are unrealistic and need to be modified. This is the first thing to examine. If not, there are certain causes and conditions preventing us from living up to our ideals. Our task is to identify them and work on eliminating them. It’s as simple as that. There’s no need to compound the difficulty by investing in the idea of a ‘bad, inadequate me’ who ‘should be better’.

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"Food for the Heart", a series of Dhamma teachings handwritten weekly is posted on the Buddhadāsa Indapañño Archives page with Ajahn's kind permission.

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For other teachings by Ven. Ajahn Jayasāro, please visit the Panyaprateep Foundation website.